Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife by Tim Hawkins

I know I rely pretty heavily on Tim Hawkins for these fun days, but I just think he is hilarious. Check out this clip on what not to say to your wife that comes from his DVD Full Range of Motion.

Have fun.

Kids Rock

Just for fun today, check out this fan made video that goes along with Tim Hawkins spoof infomercial “Kid’s Rock.”

Trina Discovers Chocolate OR Why I Should Never Be Left Alone to Watch the Kids

There I was, minding my own business, doing my work, updating my blogs. When it dawned on me. Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be watching the kids. Why can’t I hear Trina (my 10 month old)? I guess I better go look for her. Lucky for me, she is apparently not allergic to peanuts.

Check out what happened.

Maybe Marita won’t leave me alone with the kids anymore.

Rhett and Link Explain How I Feel in the Blogging World

Rhett and Link hit my nail on the head. I’m so last year on here. But I am catching up.

I wonder where you can hire one of those password guys.

I Will Survive

I know this one has been around for a while but every once in a while I have to find it just for kicks.

Enjoy.

An American Carol

I haven’t looked this one up on Screen It yet, but I sure I hope it is one I can watch.

The Next Survivor Series

 

 

 

My wife forwarded the following e-mail to me. It made me laugh and I thought you might like it too. And so, I introduce to you the next big thing on Reality TV–Survivor: MOM

 

 

 

 

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

 

• Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
• There is no fast food.
• Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with not enough money.
• In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
• Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time–no emailing.
• Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.
• He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
• Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned use, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.
• The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
• The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.
• During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.
• They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
• They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.
• A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name.
• Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.
• The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
• The last man wins only if…
  he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.
• If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a kick out of it and  as many men as you think can handle it.
Just don’t send it back to me…. I’ m going to bed.

———————————–

Whoever wrote the stipulation for winning must clearly not be a man. After all, men can be intimate at a moment’s notice even when they’ve been plagued with pneumonia for a month, while surviving a hurricane and trekking through the Australian outback.

My Presidential Candidate, Part 2

My political views expressed on Monday notwithstanding, I have to share with you more footage of my Presidential candidate, Shane Scott. As with all candidates, he is being attacked by the media, he is being undermined by the other parties and he is holding his very own convention, which, for some reason, I didn’t get invited to. I’m not sure he recognizes the influence I have over all 20 people who regularly visit this blog.

You can see Shane’s original videos at my earlier political post.

Sit back and prepare to be swept off your feet by a candidate who is a lot like us, who really represents change for the American future, who promises nothing but asks for everything. I invite you to become a Shaniac. Climb aboard the Shane Train. You won’t regret it.

Learn of the People’s Party’s platform for overcoming our national debt and gas crisis.

 

Every candidate needs his very own news media scandal. Shane Scott is just as mired in controversy as everyone else.

 

And now for the People’s Party Convention, aired September 9, 2008. Hosted at the Let It Shine Gymnasium in Cool Springs, Tennessee. You know, I just live 20 minutes from there. You’d think I could have received an invitation or something. Don’t worry, I’m not bitter. I hold no grudges. Shane still has my vote…maybe.

 

The Vice Presidential Candidate.

 

I hope this has been a Springboard for Fun in your Friday.

ELC

Do You Like Puns? Check These Out for a Laugh

1. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!